So… My mom and I haven’t been getting along the way we did when I first moved back home after the video store closed; probably because that was two years ago. She’s frustrated with me. I always know what my mom is thinking and how she’s feeling. Neither one of us are good at hiding our emotions, but are both very passive aggressive. Unfortunately, I’m the only one that recognizes this and works towards being more assertive, which causes more frustration between us.
The Time Has Come (My Mother Said)
While I doubt my mom will execute some tough love and kick me to the curb, she is really annoyed by the fact that I haven’t written my movie and sold my script and wants me to find a way to bring some money into the house. There was no “or else”, but it was implied that she’s getting to that point. This really, really, really annoys me. She seems to be under the impression that writing a screenplay is easy and that selling it is a breeze, which is sort of my fault because I was very confident in my abilities to get this thing written fast, but… You know… Writer’s block… I thought I had everything sorted out, but I hit some wrinkles and ironing them out is proving to be more difficult than I thought.
The haze is starting to clear, though, and ideas and solutions are beginning to appear, but now I’m worried about being so confident in myself, which is not ideal. Even if I know I’m going to hit snags, it helps to keep reminding myself that this will go quickly, helps even more to say it out loud and get some support from people. Mom offers me none. She never has unless it involves working at a normal job for a paycheck. Yes, it’s okay for me to follow my dreams, but we need money. I don’t think she will be supportive of my ambition to be a screenwriter until I show her a check from a sale of a screenplay.
It really, really, really angers me and I don’t want to be angry and frustrated with my mom. My dad would be of a similar mind, but he would know and understand that writing is a process, and it doesn’t always go smoothly. It’s good my little brother has stepped into that role. He is the BEES KNEES when it comes to helping me feel confident in myself. And while I realize that I’m lucky to have a mom who has put up with my unemployed ass for so long, I think she needs to realize that she has a pretty kick ass daughter who only wants to help this family build a better life for themselves.
I don’t want us to simply survive anymore. I want us to have a fulfilling life and we can’t do that if we’re all working at dead-end jobs that don’t really pay us enough and make us miserable. I can’t move out of her house and have my own life until she is somewhat satisfied with hers otherwise all I’ll do is worry about her. I know I can’t buy her happiness for her, but if I can write and sell movies, I can build a greenhouse for her and that will lead to her happiness, and hopefully a somewhat profitable home-based business.
Someday soon I need to post some pictures of her gardening efforts. Everyone is highly impressed by our backyard. It’s Alice in Wonderland back there.
Back to the Future
Back on the job market, I’m actively seeking employment again, but I have to be picky with my options. Like I explained to my mom, there are certain jobs that will drain me and I won’t be able to come home from a long day at work and write. I’ve tried. I tend to take my work home with me. Literally. If my job involves creative things, I will work on job stuff at home, off the clock, because I will not produce crap for people. If you hire me, you get my dedication to quality and if that means I have to work on projects at home to have more time to complete them, I’ll do it.
What I need is a simple job that I can’t take home with me. Yesterday I realized this when I found a position at a local golf course as a clubhouse attendant/bartender. At first I didn’t think a golf course would hire me because I don’t know a lot about golf, but then I thought, “I’ve played Hot Shots and Mario golf, Drew loves golfing, I know the difference between a putter and a driver, why not give it a shot? I won’t take this work home with me and I’ll get to mingle with all the rich folks, do some networking…” It sounds like a perfect fit.
Then my friend told me that our local library is looking to fill TWO positions. Perfect also, even more so because it’s a five minute walk from my house and mom can work there too. If we can land those jobs, we will all be employed again and the library would be fun too! I could probably even do both jobs for awhile, but just for awhile to rake in more money while I’m not paying rent so I can buy myself a car. We’ll see, but I know we stand a good chance at getting hired at the library, we know practically everyone we need to know to get in there, especially since my high school friend works there part-time.
And I could probably work on my screenplay at the library during my downtime. : ) I’m sure that people running a library wouldn’t mind one of their employees working on their personal writing projects if everything that needs to be done is done.
So, yeah… That’s whats up. And now I really need to find some food to eat because I finally think my stomach can handle it. Melissa has way too much fun on the weekends. ; ) Lucid was not something I should have taken a shot of last night, the Busch Lights were enough!
But I will be posting, at some point in the future, my thoughts on job-seeking in the digital age… It will be a very heated entry because, seriously, it’s getting ridiculous. Stay tuned.
FreeStateRevival
